hold on folks, this one is all over the place...

Recently my older and wiser sister, Sharon, wrote a magnificent blog post about Whining. you may read it here 

It really made me think.

.. about how I lived before i knew death on a personal level.

.. how I treated others who DID know it on a personal level.

.. how I will treat others who will, unfortunately, come to know it.

Up until i knew it so intimately. i would say the typical "bla bla bla.. can't people just get over it.. stop whining and let it go".. "They are in a better place, can't they just be happy for them?"... Boy. wow. How ignorant i was.

How was i supposed to know that I would be knocked onto my knees and struggle to get back up (even several WEEKS after the unhappy event took place).  How was i to know that my father would be in the back of my every thought all throughout the day.  How was I to know that I wouldn't want to talk to any of my friends because they were all so happy, spending time with their living fathers, while i was so miserably without mine.

~

The only.. ONLY.. comfort that i have is knowing that i will see my father again.  As long as I continue to strive to follow my Father in Heaven.

Do you remember King David suffering: 2 Samuel 12:23 "But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can i bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."

~

While my sisters and I were in Centerville, we were taken SUCH good care of by the members of the church where mom and dad went (dad was also a deacon).  It really opened my eyes on HOW TO TREAT people who have suffered a great loss.  They were the ones to teach me.  Before I experienced it, i never knew how to act around those who had been through it.  Not knowing if I should stay away from them.. or call.. or text.  I never knew.  But now i can only tell you that it meant SO much to my family. I now KNOW now how to act.

These are just some of the options:

1) Bring tissues

2) Cry with them

3) Bring food

4) Cry with them

5) Don't say a word... just be there.

6) Clean their house (even while they are still in it - their brains won't be there.. they won't even notice what you are doing)

7) Bring more tissues

8) Attend the funeral/memorial service.

I can't tell you how happy I was when there was just standing room only at Daddy's memorial.  How could people not show up to honor such an amazing man?  How could people not show up to show their love of Daddy to our family?

We shouldn't NOT go to funerals.  We should always go.  I know that it might be awkward for you.. i know that it might make you sad.. i know that it might make you feel nervous.. but sometimes you have to do things outside of your comfort zone.  

..Sometimes it isn't about YOU but about the person who is suffering.

..Sometimes its about remembering that we all will die and we need to have our lives right.

Ecclesiastes 7:2 "It is better to go to the house of mourning that to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart."

Anyways... back to my original thought.

Whining.

Let us check ourselves more often than we did before.  

And pray that you don't have a REAL problem to whine about.

Staying Busy..

I"m trying really hard to keep busy.  I've heard that keeping my mind on other things will help me grieve.

catching a ball

SO! In order to help keep my mind off of things (and because it's super cute!), I signed Titus up for T Ball! (note: i am TERRIBLE at sports.... don't ask me to throw, catch, kick or run).  His first practice was last night, and it was the cutest thing that i have EVER seen.  When it wasn't his turn to practice catching or hitting, he was the one that was spinning around in circles or hopping in the dirt or picking up flowers and running over to give it to me.  So... I am hoping that it will be a fun experience for him and that it help him to come out of his sweet shell a bit.

Poor Solomon was just distraught that he wasn't allowed to play.  He kept on pouting that he wanted to play or just go home.

I know it's just a matter of time before my boys will be grown and out of the house.. but i want to try harder to make the most of our time together.  I am going to make more of an effort to get my boys out of the house and involved in things.  I wish my dad was still around so i could send the boys to his house for him to teach them to fish.  They were going to do that THIS summer.  They were finally old enough to really get something out of it.  But, now, i guess i will just have to teach them myself (?? - maybe i can just get Larry to do it - i'm not good with touching worms)

SO! Here is to a busy T Ball schedule!  I'm super excited and Titus is too!

practicing his throw

It's been about 10 years....

...since i was last in Oregon. 

 If i remember correctly it was 2004, and mom had just busted her leg on her motorcycle. Dad and Emily and I spent a LOT of time just tubing down the slope.  It was one of the best memories i have of my dad. 
 We would race down and we would all laugh loud and hard with and at each other. 




 Well... this time was the first time I would be back... and the first time for me and Larry to go up there together.

headed to meet his folks

 one last family photo op before we head north

We left our kiddos behind with his folks and then proceeded to meet my mom, 2 sisters, and my brother in law at the airport. 

Look! we get to fly on the Mini Mouse Plane!

the token "take a picture out the window" picture

I had downloaded the 1st Harry Potter audio book for the trip.  I made it last the WHOLE plane ride (both of them!). I had also planned on watching the movies on my iPad, but the dumb thing had a spaz attack the other  day and i had to get it replaced - not giving me enough time to get the movies downloaded onto the new one.  bla!

 We finally arrived in Portland after what seemed like the longest plane ride ever (i'm sure stress had NOTHING to do with it).  All of the girls had different ideas about where we needed to go to get our rental... but, I guess, the boys DID know what they were talking about.  We found the bus to take us where we needed to go to get our awesome(?) minivan rental (that just so happened to smell like poop - eek) and headed off to Salem. 

this may or may not had been a conversation with my oldest sister on the way to the hotel

 After a fitful sleep, we finally wake up at 5:30 (7:30 texas time) and try to go back to sleep for a bit... but alas, it isn't to be... so we all get ready and eat and head off to my Aunt Jean's house. As soon as we arrived Aunt Jean hugged all of us and got us all settled.  She tried to make us drink fluffy coffee (no thanks).  Jane and Marnie showed up not much later than we did.  Then in came Granma and Jack.  It was so nice to get to spend time with Dad's brother and sisters.  It was nice to hear the stories from their points of view.  I know that dad terrorized me and my sisters... but it was really nothing compared to what he did to his siblings.  wow.  I don't think i could have survived him.




Most of the family i haven't seen since Larry and I got married. 

momma and Aunt Jean

me and Uncle Jack 

the Sanford girls 

dad's 3 siblings ~ Jack, Jane & Jean

At one point, Granma comes in waving things around and gives this to Sharon and Jeremy.  Apparently, several several years ago, Jeremy was bored (or trying to avoid petting a dog) and got this bad boy out and demonstrated some sweet Etch-A-Sketch skills. 

Here is a picture of us and our Awesome/Crazy/Drama Queen/Bird-watching granma

Anyways... 

 The memorial was wonderful. So many people to hug and love on. 

 This is the Sexton family.  Bob has always been dad's best friend.  Dad always talked about him and his family.  It was such a bitter sweet thing getting to see them.  
 Like I said, it had been at least 10 (15??) years since I last saw them... so i finally got to talk to them like an adult.  What wonderful people they all are.  I hope to carry on dad's tradition of sending random and strange gifts to them at random.  I'm already planning a few things!

 we got to spend a little bit of time with Dad's dad and Norma

 here are just a hand full of cousins

 A while back my dad made this..... 

 Strange, i know. 
 There really isn't a name for it... but he made it and sent it on up to his brother, Jack. Jack said it had a cool swampy/Texasie sound. So, he decided to play a song on it. 

So... Jack, and Dad's best friend, Bob, played a song for Dad. I was in tears the whole time just thinking about how dad would love to be there playing with them. 



It just so happened that it was also my birthday!  So, back at Aunt Jeans, they decorated and even my cousin, Jessica, made me a mouth watering chocolate cake (90% organic!). 


Larry and Jeremy were quite impressed with Alethea's whistling skills.  I think they are really gonna try to improve so that they can't be shown up by a 5 year old again.  (she really was very good and LOUD).  

Even Jane got in on the whistling action.  I think they are all planning on going to a whistling convention in Japan later this year.....















The flight home was a bit shorter than the one up there. Larry says because we had a tail wind. 
 So... it only took us 3 hours to get back to DFW. 

I think we were all ready to be back home.  We missed our kids and our homes.  We missed the Texas accent.

I will forever be glad that i got to go back up to Oregon one last time.  It wasn't the same being up there without my dad... and i don't know if i will ever have the strength to go back there without him.  But, I have made so many new and wonderful memories with his family.  

Thou Isle of Somewhere
by O.E. Landrum (my Pawpaw)

Somewhere, so far o're yonder, so far beyond and even further than man may know, there I'll be going.  My Lord will send for me and I will surely go.
Somewhere there's glory blooming, in bowers green, beyond all gloaming.  Where longings cease.. my soul contented.  I've but to wait, for soon or late He'll beckon me.
O Isle, thou isle of Somewhre, o land beyond yon dreaded river.  I look to thee, my eyes not seeing, but faith in thee hath made me see thy graciousness.
O Isle, thou isle of somewhere, O land beyond yon river.


That was one of the last songs that i got to sing with my daddy.

In my opinion, he had the best singing voice around.  I could always hear him rolling into his notes when he sang tenor. 

I remember, growing up, he would read us "bed time stories" which mostly consisted of seeing how bad he could scare us.  But my fondest memories are of him reading The Hobbit to us.  I had nightmare after nightmare of the dreaded Gollum coming to eat me.  But now, i look forward to the day i will read the same books to my boys for their bed time stories (if i can make it through them without getting scared myself).

He was the hardest working man that i've ever known.  He worked and worked and worked.  Even when he wasn't at his job he was at home working.  Fixing things, building things.
I learned a lot from him.  Just a few of the things i learned:  how to use a saw, how to build a fence, how to drive a tractor, how to drive a stick shift, how to play guitar, and how to obey God.

I remember having to DRAG him up the aisle during my wedding.  He kept trying to talk me out of it the whole way.  Not that he didn't like Larry... he just wanted me to stay with him as long as possible.

I will miss his laugh.  I will miss his jokes.  I will miss his mustache.  I will miss his VOICE.  I will miss calling him in the middle of the night when i couldn't sleep (which was usually when he we was working the night shift).


He always told each of his 3 girls that we were each his favorite... but i know that i really was.


LLSS daddy

from your MBD